Why I am not a concert pianist

If I only practiced one hour a day, the audience would notice,
If I only practiced two hours a day, the orchestra would notice,
If I only practiced four hours a day, the conductor would notice,
If I only practiced eight hours a day, I would notice.

T minus 03:17:00:16

...sigh

Either

"Guard Dogs represent the deadliest level of canine training. These animals either walk with a sentry, or patrol alone in an enclosed space. Their function is to apprehend and neutralize any human intruder. They do not stop biting when the suspect stops resisting; they stop only when the human stops moving. They are likely to be trained to go for the throat or genitals. Guard dogs are trained to kill and maim. A guard dog is so vicious that it will usually obey only a single handler. ... The only legitimate use of a guard dog is in wartime, or when guarding an area so sensitive that human intrusion could result in awesome public danger, such as a nuclear weapons facility."

or

"Attack dogs have been trained to sink their teeth into people on their master's command, or when they observe their master under assault. Once resistance from the suspect ceases, a true attack dog will let go of him. It will do the same on command, no matter how excitement-charged the atmosphere, if it has been properly trained and selected. Normally, the dog will only bite if given the proper command, or if the animal sees its owner or a family member under attack.The attack dog is at the maximum level of obedience training. After the master has ordered it to put a suspect on point, the dog can be called back, and even ordered to "make friends." It feels no personal animosity toward the person it is ordered to attack; it is a canine technician, doing a job on the orders of its human boss"

Probably the latter, but sometimes going for the kill is fun.

Christmas has come early

Or at least presents have. Best present ever. What could I want more? I dare say, what I thought was there, is even more, and only makes it better. Well, to be honest, I *could* really use a new sabre, but I'll make do.

Three months ago, my heart mourned with some of the sadest nocturnes ever created. Now, it cannot sing with enough passion to match what grows inside. Funny how ths same thing can swing you to polar opposites. Not really I guess, considering the source.

Exorcism!

Last night, a nurse said to me while I was passing by the station "Oh there you are! You can do an exorcism!" (Insert patented Tim Allen OooooOOooo?) "I dont really do that" I reply with a smile. She smiled back, but I do think she was half serious (well, somewhat hopeful anyway) and said "Well we need it over there" "Oh?" "Yes, he's doing all sorts of things" "Well this I gotta see."

And so I saw. And it was...unique.

You've got to want to.

You can go around with need to if you would like, but it won't work. All it will do is leave you frustrated and resentful in the end since you are doing things that you feel you need or must do.

You have got to want this.

I knew someone that needed to get married right out of highschool. And they did. Of course, they are are now a raging alcoholic, but they are married.

[end quote]

Last night

I got the honor yesterday of being with someone when they died. Not like, Im in the next room with the family, or down the hall, or in the office and then was paged. Quite literally with them, standing next to their bed. I didnt even have my head turned at the time. It was rather surreal in a very bland way. They spit up just a touch of saliva (nothing obscene, or even of any real note, just a bubble or two that was easily wiped away by the nurse) and that was it. No violent reactions, cries, coughs, sputterings. Just another moment in time that came and went. The eerieness I suppose is that death - this supposed monumentous event - came and went with little notice.

It certainly reminds me of my WiT commentary made a month ago. Death is but a comma. A mere passing. It is not some abrupt and outlandish semicolon. But rather it was just an ordinary stroke of the pen. A simple comma seperating one state from another.

So I've got it fair eh?

I suppose I shouldn't impose my amazing situation on anyone else then. That's been made abundantly clear. Whats the point anyway? Or is it now the end? I suppose it is, depending on how you look at it. Or what does/does not happen. Undoubtedly. Or its finally the end of the end. Or maybe I'll ramble on and make no sense whatsoever.

Blargh.

(end)

I think I'll just be a hermit instead. Given the now perm situation, that may be the best option. You get a spiffy cave, and if you look for the right place, your own personal rope bridge as well. At least there's no bears.

(Four is still the best)

What does this mean to you?

I hate that question. Especially about a picture. Even more so when its a picture aimed at a certain focus group (to speak) and I'm convinced that responses are often (if not always) heavily influenced by what group the particular responder is in. Take the image to the left. Its a picture of the chapel inside the spanish fort at St Augustine, Fl (Castillo De San Marcos).

The real question posed should be "How do you interpret this picture as a reflection of your own views?" That for me, is much more properly phrased. Simply asking "What does this mean to you?" fires up my analytical mind to which I reply "Someone was standing inside the chapel and took a nice picture."

It sort of reminds me when my mom took some class on something or other, and the lecturer began by saying "I want you to think about where you are [as a being]." And so everyone did. And then they said "Now, I want you to close your eyes and think about being in the room, and then drawing back above the building and seeing the building from above. And then draw back higher and higher and see the city below, and then the state, and country, and eventually the whole earth. Now imagine you keep traveling and you see the planet fade away, and the sun is lost among the stars and eventually keep going so that all you see is the galaxy...Now I want you to think where you are." This final statement elicited a host of replys. A physics teacher I had in undergrad was attending this class, and piped up in the back (and I would have said the exact same thing) "I'm still right here, sitting in class."

So this girl is coming down to FL

and I have her cell, and I'm just *dying* to call it. Its late now, nearly 4am, and I suppose it just wouldn't be proper this late. I feel like its Christmas - or almost - and I'm eight and out of school. So now the days are just me (and friends of course) during Christmas break, trying to pass the time until we can tear open our presents without looking at the clock too much. Which of course is just impossible.

"Hey what time is it?"
"Uhhhh 1:15pm"
"Damn...ok well...wanna go swim?"
"Ok"

"Hey what time is it now?"
"Almost 1:17"

"I feel like...

...you dont want me around"
"No" (yes, but only in part)

"...you aren't trying any more and sometimes you want me to just give up and leave, so you dont have to"
"No" (am I that obvious?)

"I don't understand why you dont want to at least try with me"(I think I've been trying for years, whats new now other than a momentary exertion on your part?)

"Didnt you ever love me?"
"Of course" (What do you think keeps me - and in a strange sense drives me away - all the time? Do I risk becoming resentful & angry by sticking it out? Or do I cut and live out the numerous consequences, and risk realizing the err? Do I "stay" to have things get better just for the moment? Or will they actually "improve"? Or do I "leave" and come to terms with "they werent that bad" or "its just the norm"? Or is the grass actually greener on the other side?)

[You just can't beat better character development. NYT Bestsellers here I come]

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On another [un?]related note:Evil I am convinced is the best under the guise of "good". It is even more so, when it can penetrate, damage and destroy, and then leave its victim wanting more. The gigantic, evil, fire breathing dragon or bloody demon is easy to spot, and as such, at least you know where the enemy is. The seemingly innocent, downtrodden, wounded, frail, etc. that master this initial description can effect a larger whole.

Hallelujah!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back


Clearly he decapitated the rotating polygon creature too! A step back is only one if you let it be. Sometimes its just to prepare for a lunge.

Behold! The great beast has been slain and the mouth

which uttered such deciet has been slain! The waters of essence flowed freely, and there was much rejoicing!

Or something like that. I am a Flash god however. That much is certain. After a few hours I finally got a basic form of the seperating axis theorum working in my little flash program. (http://www.harveycartel.org/metanet/tutorials/tutorialA.html)

As I now have slain the 1 oblique axis monster (basic rect vs triangle collision), the rest shall fall easily under my blade! Go ahead, admit it. You are jealous.

His horse spun.

Nervously, the animal's hooves kicked up the snow all around and the rider started to share his mount's angst. Darkness had settled in, and the long, spindly, leafless branches high above still managed to choke off nearly all of the moonlight. As such, his path was unclear, although the general direction was still fresh in his mind - his destination however, was not. To the west lay his original orders, to the east, the possible promise of refuge. The woods had claimed more than one unweary traveler in nights past, and he certainly did not want to join those ranks.

He looked down at the parcel he carried, and wondered a loud "Is this really worth it?"

The horse turned about again, wanting its master to choose a direction. The shadows were closing.

"We both know where we are going," he said, drumming his fingers on the hilt of his short sword. "The real question is, will we meet with our runner in a few weeks or not?"

Prequels are much more fun to right

So I started prequel. Actually its a rewrite I guess, but a new plot sort of. Wrote the first, wrote the sequel, and decided "Hey the first could be so much better if it went like this."

Funny how much you can write

in a short period of time, and then wonder if it will go anywhere, be read (especially given the small target audience), etc. and then have it sit on your computer, stagnating...

For any non-chess players out there, there is a rule that states once you touch a piece, you have to move it. And of course, once you let it go, the move is final. Necessary rules obviously. I just let go my Queen, and am now thinking "Oh God, why did I do that?"

ctrl+z ?

Now playing

The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Since I Don't Have You

Why not 567?

Cuz 789? har that joke is dumb. 567 is still good tho.

Well anyway, I'm now waiting for the page of doom to go off. End stage cancer patient is quite literally in the last hours and if I don't get the page, its gonna be the next chaplain on call/duty right after me. Last rites were already given (not by me). Blargh.