Words have failed me

My prayers are unique and mine, those for the dying and for survivors of the dead are a bit preplanned now - at least well prepped and I have a decent idea of what I want to say and how to. Especially if I'm dropped in a situation and someone wants me to whip one out. However, I just returned from a call up to the PICU for a small baby who will in all likelihood be dead by morning. The mother and father wanting one last chaplain to come and give one last prayer. I've never felt so inept in my life. I couldn't speak to them as they did not know english, but wanted prayer. The nurse delivered one who could translate, much to my relief. Stupid me I offered one after they left - which I would have felt comfortable with, but they wanted to stick around. What do I say in such times? Perhaps that would have been the best. "Lord what can I say? You alone know what is needed most for this precious child. You alone know her needs, and while we grieve her loss, we hold to your promise that this little baby will see her parents just as they will see her once again..." That alone would have been a thousand times more eloquant than what I managed.

I suppose at least I wasn't anxious, or ready to bolt out of the room. And I'm sure they weren't quite aware of how clunky I thought it was - even if they were, I'm certain it would be the last thing on their mind. The lack of words is insignificant, like I said, I've felt powerless - inept is such a good word. A true one at that.

At least the nurse and I bonded a bit.

"I don't envy your job at all" I say to her as we part ways.

She smiles, "I dont envy yours either."

Stuff stuff and more stuff

That's what we are getting. See, when you have a baby, especially if its the first born of a particaular family, people throw these amazing things called showers in which you get all sorts of fun things - yes, for some reason now, diaper bags, pooh decorated pillows and rubber duckies are now fun. Normally people around you give you a shower, but for some strange reason, mom refuses to give one. Well, actually she wants to throw a "meet the baby" party during easter, which is a month late and entirely pointless. The mother-in-law, and family not living in this glorius state of FL, was totally aghast at the idea that we would not have a shower and organized one 900 miles away. So in the next day or two, we're getting boxes (literally lots and lots) delivered to us via UPS.

In work happenings, I'm semi on the palliative care team now. Just what the morbid side of me needs (and wants). I saw someone today (1 of 4 cases) that was just a really heart pulling, sad case. Since I dont want HIPAA breathing down my neck for divulging any sort of IDing remarks, I will just sum it up the pts case in which multiple care givers have said "I've never said this about anyone before, but this pt really just needs to die" And maybe I'm a blasphemous chaplain now, but I agree.