Hands down the worst part about

a successful CPE is getting to know yourself on the fly. I'm stressed. But more importantly I feel off. Very, very off. Not quite as off as other times, but it's there, and its growing - and its a bit scary. There is a dark, dorminant side that's been slumbering for a long, long time - ten years at least. Apperantly hibernation is over. Probably why its never really gone, just put to sleep. Putting it back to sleep requires some help I think. Getting it will only wake it up again. Catch 22.

The alternative is to let it wake, and make, for the lack of a better word, a mess. A mess that can't quite be undone, and certainly shouldn't be tangled with just because. Yet another conundrum.

And to the peanut gallery, if you don't know exactly what I mean (and I know you don't) don't bother reading into this. Somethings have been left unsaid, and will remain that way. I've got one that I've trusted with such info - the rest are well, outside that circle. I think I might need to dump sometime soon. Or perhaps I can hold out a little bit and see if it wont go to sleep if the things change.